As Mother’s Day approached this year, I wouldn’t say I dreaded it, but I would say I was afraid to face it. Every day is extremely hard for me, but I knew this day was going to be even harder because I would be more aware of it and its meaning. When the thought of Mother’s Day crossed my mind, all I would think about is lying in bed and crying all day. I certainly didn’t think I would be able to make it to church, and I really didn’t want to get out and do anything. Honestly, I didn’t know if I would even be able to make it out of bed. As Mother’s day drew closer, Buddy and I began to ask others who have lost a child what they did for their first Mother’s Day after their loss. One couple told us they visited a different church in a completely different city from their own. A friend told me she wore a Super Man shirt to church to display that she’s a super mom because that’s what it takes to give a baby back to God. Our grief counselor told us that many couples go out of town to get away for the weekend. Go out of town, that actually sounded really good to me and that’s exactly what we did.
Road Trippin’ It
Buddy had been following a Jeep Grand Cherokee for sale in Kentucky for quite some time and felt ready to make a move. So I told him that Mother’s Day weekend would be the perfect time for us to travel and purchase the Jeep. I knew this trip would be beneficial for both of us. Not only would it get me away for the weekend, but it would force me out of bed on Sunday because we would have to travel back home. Buddy made the arrangements and we began our weekend getaway after work on Friday. Even though we weren’t doing anything too exciting for the weekend, Buddy still wanted to make it special for me. He booked us at a nice Marriott resort in Tennessee. We woke up early on Saturday morning, ate breakfast, and continued our road trip to Kentucky. We traveled through Virginia, which is apparently the state for lovers (see picture below).
Road Trippin’ It
Buddy had been following a Jeep Grand Cherokee for sale in Kentucky for quite some time and felt ready to make a move. So I told him that Mother’s Day weekend would be the perfect time for us to travel and purchase the Jeep. I knew this trip would be beneficial for both of us. Not only would it get me away for the weekend, but it would force me out of bed on Sunday because we would have to travel back home. Buddy made the arrangements and we began our weekend getaway after work on Friday. Even though we weren’t doing anything too exciting for the weekend, Buddy still wanted to make it special for me. He booked us at a nice Marriott resort in Tennessee. We woke up early on Saturday morning, ate breakfast, and continued our road trip to Kentucky. We traveled through Virginia, which is apparently the state for lovers (see picture below).
We continued on our journey and made it to the dealership. We test drove the Jeep and were very pleased. Needless to say, about an hour later, we were headed back to Tennessee in two vehicles. Buddy was very excited about his new Jeep; it is just what he wanted. We made it back in time to catch a few rays at the pool before getting ready for our dinner reservations. Buddy took me to The Chop House and it was amazing. He then took me to see a movie I had wanted to see for a while, “Age of Adeline.” It’s definitely a must-see! We concluded the evening with ice cream. It was a tough day, especially the two-hour drive back to Tennessee by myself, but we made the most of it. Buddy did make our date memorable and special despite our circumstances.
Facing My Fear of Mother’s Day
Around 6:30 Sunday morning I woke up crying hysterically. I was very aware of what day it was and I didn’t have my sweet Thomas to hold in my arms. Trust me; it’s a painful, sick feeling. Buddy of course comforted me as I cried myself back to sleep. I woke up once again in tears a few hours later. This time, Buddy dragged me out of bed so we wouldn’t be late for breakfast. It was also comforting as I already had over 20 texts and Facebook messages from friends wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, and sending their thoughts and prayers. It felt so good to be reminded that people were thinking about me. After returning to our room, Buddy gave me my Mother’s Day gift. He and a close friend worked together to have a charm necklace of Thomas made for me (picture below). It is absolutely beautiful, and very thoughtful! It is different from the one a friend gave me earlier in the week, so I’m able to change them out and wear them both. Buddy knew Mother’s Day weekend would be very hard for me and he did everything he could to make it as special as possible.
Around 6:30 Sunday morning I woke up crying hysterically. I was very aware of what day it was and I didn’t have my sweet Thomas to hold in my arms. Trust me; it’s a painful, sick feeling. Buddy of course comforted me as I cried myself back to sleep. I woke up once again in tears a few hours later. This time, Buddy dragged me out of bed so we wouldn’t be late for breakfast. It was also comforting as I already had over 20 texts and Facebook messages from friends wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, and sending their thoughts and prayers. It felt so good to be reminded that people were thinking about me. After returning to our room, Buddy gave me my Mother’s Day gift. He and a close friend worked together to have a charm necklace of Thomas made for me (picture below). It is absolutely beautiful, and very thoughtful! It is different from the one a friend gave me earlier in the week, so I’m able to change them out and wear them both. Buddy knew Mother’s Day weekend would be very hard for me and he did everything he could to make it as special as possible.
Road Trippin’ It Back Home to See My Mother
Probably the hardest part of the entire trip was having to drive back home separately from Buddy. I was by myself so I had a lot of time to think. You can only imagine all of the thoughts that went through my head. I spent a great deal of the drive crying. Buddy would call me often to check on me. I was ready to get home to see my mother. She gives the best hugs and that’s exactly what I needed.
We got home later that afternoon and each went to see our mothers. I went to my grandfather’s house where my mom was. I cried on her for a while and then we talked and even had a few laughs. I had something special planned for us to do together. My grandmother, my mom’s mother, passed away two years ago. My mom has had a very hard time since then. I got two balloons and told her I wanted her to write a message to Mawmaw and I was going to write a message to Thomas and then we would release our balloons to them. She loved the idea and immediately began writing her message. My mom, dad, brother, grandfather and myself all went outside together and released the balloons to our angels in Heaven. It was a very special moment for all of us, and it especially meant a lot to my mom. We then went back inside and my older sister and nephew joined us for cake to conclude the evening. As hard as the day was, I had such a great time with my family.
Probably the hardest part of the entire trip was having to drive back home separately from Buddy. I was by myself so I had a lot of time to think. You can only imagine all of the thoughts that went through my head. I spent a great deal of the drive crying. Buddy would call me often to check on me. I was ready to get home to see my mother. She gives the best hugs and that’s exactly what I needed.
We got home later that afternoon and each went to see our mothers. I went to my grandfather’s house where my mom was. I cried on her for a while and then we talked and even had a few laughs. I had something special planned for us to do together. My grandmother, my mom’s mother, passed away two years ago. My mom has had a very hard time since then. I got two balloons and told her I wanted her to write a message to Mawmaw and I was going to write a message to Thomas and then we would release our balloons to them. She loved the idea and immediately began writing her message. My mom, dad, brother, grandfather and myself all went outside together and released the balloons to our angels in Heaven. It was a very special moment for all of us, and it especially meant a lot to my mom. We then went back inside and my older sister and nephew joined us for cake to conclude the evening. As hard as the day was, I had such a great time with my family.
I Couldn’t Say “Happy Mother’s Day”
I wasn’t able to tell anyone “Happy Mother’s Day” this year, not even my own mother. The reason: it wasn’t a happy day for me. I didn’t mind anyone telling me “Happy Mother’s Day,” it actually meant a lot to me when people did because they were acknowledging me as a mother. But I just couldn’t say it. I responded to all of the sweet messages I received with, “I hope you had a wonderful day.”
Getting away for the weekend definitely helped me get through Mother’s Day, but the real reason I survived is because of my faith. I am constantly reminded of the story of David and his son in the Bible. David had hope that he would see his son again. 2 Samuel 12:23 says, “But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” I cling to this same hope. Thomas will not return to me but I will go to him, and what an incredible Mother’s Day that will be!
CLICK HERE for pictures from Mother’s Day weekend.
I wasn’t able to tell anyone “Happy Mother’s Day” this year, not even my own mother. The reason: it wasn’t a happy day for me. I didn’t mind anyone telling me “Happy Mother’s Day,” it actually meant a lot to me when people did because they were acknowledging me as a mother. But I just couldn’t say it. I responded to all of the sweet messages I received with, “I hope you had a wonderful day.”
Getting away for the weekend definitely helped me get through Mother’s Day, but the real reason I survived is because of my faith. I am constantly reminded of the story of David and his son in the Bible. David had hope that he would see his son again. 2 Samuel 12:23 says, “But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” I cling to this same hope. Thomas will not return to me but I will go to him, and what an incredible Mother’s Day that will be!
CLICK HERE for pictures from Mother’s Day weekend.
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