My Sweet Thomas is Four

​On this day four years ago, my sweet firstborn son Thomas was born. It’s the day every young girl dreams of growing up and it’s the day I had longed for explicitly the past three years. Thomas made me a mommy! After struggling with infertility and having two miscarriages, I was finally a mother. Many of my friends already had children so I was ecstatic to become a part of the most rewarding group – motherhood. I could finally attend all the kid parties and outings. I couldn’t wait for playdates. I had the most precious little red crab swim trunks, shirt and hat, along with the perfect outfits planned for Thomas’ first beach trip. During my lunch break from work, I would often drive to Babies R Us just to look around, and one day I found those swim trunks, shirt and hat and was thrilled about buying them. I already had plans for Thomas’ first Halloween costume and couldn’t wait to take him to the fall festival at our church. I was truly overjoyed about his nursery. I found a company in South Alabama that makes custom bedding and they made the perfect baby elephant bedding complete with Thomas’ name monogrammed on the bumpers. Buddy worked very hard in the nursery adding the cutest accents on the walls and even found baby elephant light switch covers. Thomas’ nursery was cuter than I ever could have imagined, and I couldn’t wait for him to enjoy it.

​In reality, my time with Thomas looked much different. Rather than attending parties, outings and playdates, our weeks were filled with various doctor’s visits. Heartbreakingly, Thomas was never able to wear his little red crab swim trunks, shirt and hat. We spent Thomas’ first Halloween in the hospital and wasn’t able to attend the fall festival. Thomas never had the chance to sleep in his nursery. Although my time with Thomas was much different than I expected or planned for, it couldn’t have been more perfect. Thomas taught me about love. While playdates, Halloween costumes, fall festivals and the perfect nursery are fun and wonderful things, they aren’t all that matters; love is what matters most. Being there and loving on him is what mattered, not that silly stuff of this world. He taught me what being a mommy is really all about. It’s completely giving up yourself to give your child the care he deserves. It involves sleepless nights. Living at the hospital. Fighting for our children, crying with them, hurting when they hurt and loving them more than anything. Above all, I believe it’s completely trusting and relying on God. From the moment Thomas was born, our reliance on God increased beyond measure. We needed Him more than ever before.

​Today, on Thomas’ birthday, I reflect back on the love we shared. The sweet cuddles, endless kisses, skin-to-skin time, watching him grow and develop. I envision the love, bond and friendship he and his little sister would have shared. Alexandria knows her Bubba and she loves him. She enjoys watching videos of him and visiting him at the cemetery. She made a sweet butterfly for him for his birthday. She also sang “Happy Birthday to Bubba” all day; it melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. We also planted a special flower today for Thomas to demonstrate our love for him. We look forward to celebrating his birthday this weekend with family and close friends.

This year I celebrate love – true motherhood. I owe it to Thomas to love and to love well. We grieve because we love and there is no end to our love for our children. I look forward to the day I get to love on Thomas forever, cuddle him and celebrate every birthday with him. I praise God for the love He has for me. He sent His son to die for me so that I can spend eternity with him and have the assurance that I will see my sweet baby boy again one day soon. Happy Birthday in Heaven Thomas, Mommy loves you!

​"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13