Hold your babies close because you don’t know when it will be your last time to hold them. I can’t even begin to describe how much I want to hold, snuggle and kiss my sweet baby. I want Thomas more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and it’s so hard because I don’t know when I’ll see him again… in a few days, months, years, I don’t know. But what I do know is that I WILL see him again. I WILL hold and kiss my sweet baby again. Each day I think to myself how much I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I’m ready to be in Heaven, to meet Jesus, and to be reunited with my son. However, I have most definitely learned over the past almost four years that God’s ways are not my ways. He still has me here on this Earth for a reason. So for now I cling to the hope that one day I will be with Thomas again.
Never in a million years did I think we would lose our sweet Thomas at just six and a half months of age. I LOVED to hold and cuddle my little angel. After Thomas had passed, Buddy and the nurse put an outfit on him and while they were dressing him all I could think about was that I wanted to hold him one more time because I knew I would never get to hold him again. So I did, and as I wept in so much pain, I held him very close. I kept telling Buddy, “I just want to bring him home with me; I just want to bring him home with me.” I know that sounds crazy but that was my baby, my firstborn, my miracle, my long awaited one, my cuddle buddy, my best friend. Hold your babies close tonight and thank God for giving you that time with them.
In Thomas’ short time on Earth, he completely changed my life and the way I look at life. He helped me realize that I waste so much time on things that don’t matter… I was so upset that we were in the hospital and weren’t going to be able to go to the pumpkin patch or the Fall Festival, and I wasn’t going to be able to dress Thomas in a costume for his first Halloween, etc. Thomas taught me about love… those things don’t matter, love is what matters. Being there and loving on him is what mattered, not that silly stuff of this world. Don’t get caught up in what your kids are going to wear for Halloween or Christmas and doing this and doing that, just love on them. Time spent with your kids is so precious to say the least.
I would have taken care of Thomas for the rest of my life! I would have changed a million more diarrhea diapers. I would have stayed in that hospital another year. I would have taken him to a thousand more doctor appointments, whatever it took to care for my precious baby! But God wanted to take care of him and now he’s in His hands and he’s perfect.
Thomas was a mommy’s baby and we had the best connection. He may not have been able to hear or see well, but he knew his mommy. I could cuddle him and he calmed immediately. He only did that for me. I would NEVER wish him out of Heaven but I miss him so much! The fall season and football are two of my favorite times of the year, well they were. I’m actually not looking forward to either this year because it was around this time last year that Thomas became sick and had to go into the hospital. I write all this to encourage you not to take a second for granted; hold your babies close and cherish every moment you have with them. You never know when your life could be changed forever.