Some beach, somewhere

​I’ve always heard that holidays and vacations will be the hardest to get through, that statement couldn’t be truer. I still grieve Thomas every day, but I agree that holidays and vacations are the most difficult times throughout the year to overcome. This past summer, Buddy, Alexandria and I took a family vacation to the beach. Of course it was fabulous, fun and exciting; it was Alexandria’s first extended beach trip. It was such a joy to watch her play in the sand, and let the water splash her sweet little legs as she and her daddy would watch the waves crash against the shore. We had an amazing vacation, but something, someone was missing… Alexandria’s big brother Thomas. I didn’t get to watch my children build sand castles together, splash in the water together or play in the pool together, I never will during this lifetime. It is heart wrenching to know that Alexandria won’t grow up with her big brother. The only way I can explain it is that I have physical pain.

While on vacation, we took family pictures on the beach every evening. We have a bear that a sweet friend gave us that has a small blanket attached with Thomas’ name monogrammed on it. We use this bear to represent Thomas in pictures. He is not here physically with us but he will always be a part of our lives and this is our way of including him. Unfortunately, it’s the only way we can include him. One of the evenings we took pictures, we sat Alexandria down on the sand facing the Gulf and sat our Thomas bear beside her and took pictures of them. Oh my heart, they were the sweetest pictures I’ve ever seen. Honestly, I was speechless. All of the pictures turned out so good. While the pictures were breathtaking, my heart ached because Thomas wasn’t physically in them. Of course I would never wish Thomas out of Heaven, I’m thankful he’s healed and no longer suffering. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I wish he would have been healthy at birth and now getting ready to celebrate his little sister’s first birthday.
 
We miss Thomas more than I could ever describe. As I’ve stressed in previous blog posts, soak up every moment you have with your children. We are not promised tomorrow; anything can happen. I long for the day that I get to watch Thomas and Alexandria play together, wow, that thought is glorious! I praise God for the hope that we have that we’ll be with our son again one day soon.
 
Some beach
Somewhere
Daddy, Mommy, Thomas and Alexandria are all together, as a family, playing in the sand without a worry, without a care
Mommy can finally breathe; it’s like a breath of fresh air
I picture myself right there
On some beach, somewhere...