Due to his rare condition, we feel confident Thomas wasn’t able to hear, nor was he able to see well. The way Thomas and I communicated was through touch. I held and snuggled him a lot. While at home, we would nap together and be nose to nose. Those were some of my favorite times with Thomas. I would kiss him at the top of his nose between his eyes. I would also talk to him with my lips pressed against his face in hopes he could feel the vibrations. Because he couldn’t hear or see, I did my very best to make sure he felt safe and loved.
When Thomas would cry, I would hold him close to me and press my forehead and nose against his and he would calm down immediately. As I cried, I recently admitted something to Buddy and only to him, and now I’m about to tell the rest of the world. After Alexandria was born, there were a couple of times I would be rocking her in the middle of the night and I would pull her close to me, press my forehead and nose against hers and envision that I was holding my sweet baby boy Thomas. I just closed my eyes, breathed and took it all in. It warmed my heart. Part of me feels guilty for doing that because I couldn’t be more grateful for Alexandria and the amazing blessing she is to my life. But in those times of desperation, longing to hold and be with my baby boy again, that’s as close as I would get because it wasn't just any baby, it was Thomas' baby sister. It only happened twice and it was when Alexandria was a small baby. Now, I think more about how Thomas and Alexandria aren’t growing up together. I often picture the two of them playing together. I see how much Alexandria enjoys playing with her cousin Brayden and can’t even begin to imagine how in love with Thomas she would be. I bet she would follow him around the house constantly, and oh what I would give to hear sounds of the two of them running through the house together and laughing unstoppable.
Because sin entered this world my family has been robbed of many blessings. I truly don’t believe my heart will ever be completely whole or full again until Thomas, Alexandria, Buddy and I are together as a family in Heaven. I won’t have to envision Thomas or feel guilty about envisioning him because I will be with him, forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Thank you God for this promise!
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
Because sin entered this world my family has been robbed of many blessings. I truly don’t believe my heart will ever be completely whole or full again until Thomas, Alexandria, Buddy and I are together as a family in Heaven. I won’t have to envision Thomas or feel guilty about envisioning him because I will be with him, forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Thank you God for this promise!
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
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