When we found out we were pregnant with Thomas, even in the midst of our anxiety, we immediately began taking pictures of my baby bump. We were beyond excited and very thankful God chose to bless us once again. I will never forget the day we found out we were pregnant, Thursday, Oct. 24, 2013. Earlier that week was rough for me... I didn't feel well and had severe back pain. Because of how I felt, I decided to go ahead and test early. The test was negative and I became extremely depressed, so depressed that I stayed home from work a couple of days. I called my doctor's office because of how bad I felt and they told me I tested too early and needed to wait a few days and test again, but I really didn't believe I was pregnant. Little did I know, the reason I felt so sick is because I was pregnant! On the morning of that joyous day, we got two positive pregnancy tests and took a picture with them, each of us holding a test stick. We proceeded with the first picture of my belly at just four weeks pregnant.
We took a picture of my baby bump every two weeks until we reached 30 weeks, at which point we took a picture every week. With each picture of my baby bump, I held a sign that included details such as: how I was feeling, what Thomas was doing in my belly, and a size comparison of Thomas to a fruit or vegetable. The pictures were so much fun and it was unique to watch my belly grow and compare it to previous weeks. Those are precious memories and pictures we will treasure forever.
So what about my baby bump with Alexandria Hope? When we found out we were pregnant with Thomas' baby sister, we were surprised to say the least, but very thankful for another blessing from God. I would say our feelings were a bit different from the day we found out we were pregnant with Thomas. We had very mixed emotions that ranged from joy to sadness. We have always struggled to get pregnant, so we were extremely surprised to find out we were pregnant the first time without using fertility treatments. It happened very soon after Thomas passed away, which was unexpected and made it difficult to be over-the-moon excited. While we did feel a sense of joy and gratitude, we were still very deep in our grief over Thomas.
We took a picture of my baby bump every two weeks until we reached 30 weeks, at which point we took a picture every week. With each picture of my baby bump, I held a sign that included details such as: how I was feeling, what Thomas was doing in my belly, and a size comparison of Thomas to a fruit or vegetable. The pictures were so much fun and it was unique to watch my belly grow and compare it to previous weeks. Those are precious memories and pictures we will treasure forever.
So what about my baby bump with Alexandria Hope? When we found out we were pregnant with Thomas' baby sister, we were surprised to say the least, but very thankful for another blessing from God. I would say our feelings were a bit different from the day we found out we were pregnant with Thomas. We had very mixed emotions that ranged from joy to sadness. We have always struggled to get pregnant, so we were extremely surprised to find out we were pregnant the first time without using fertility treatments. It happened very soon after Thomas passed away, which was unexpected and made it difficult to be over-the-moon excited. While we did feel a sense of joy and gratitude, we were still very deep in our grief over Thomas.
It wasn’t until I reached 16 weeks pregnant that I was ready to take a picture of my baby bump, and I was even hesitant then. However, I knew I would regret not having the pictures. The very first picture was only of my belly… sadly, I just didn’t feel like I could smile for the picture. Later that same day, Buddy and I had lunch with some of our close friends who have also lost a baby. I had mentioned the dilemma about taking the pictures and my friend recommended me hold a picture of Thomas when we photograph my baby bump. That was a perfect idea! I believed I could be more excited about taking the pictures if I was holding my sweet Thomas. And, the more I thought about it, if he were here he would be in the pictures with me anyway. As soon as we returned home, we took another picture that included my angel as well as me smiling. We have taken pictures every four weeks since then and started taking weekly pictures at 30 weeks pregnant.
This pregnancy has most definitely been very different. I have spent a great deal of it in prayer that God would give me a connection with Thomas’ baby sister. Due to my grief over Thomas, for the longest time, I didn’t even feel pregnant nor did I really think about it. Around 28 weeks pregnant, things began to change. God truly expanded my heart for Alexandria Hope and I have an unexplainable connection with her. I still do have very mixed emotions however; one minute I’ll be crying about Thomas and the next minute I’ll be excited about Alexandria. It’s still very hard but I thank God for opening my heart to this precious blessing that is going to bring so much joy to our lives. We can't wait to tell her all about her amazing big brother and the thousands of lives he has changed. God is so good and I’m very thankful that even during the midst of our greatest sadness, He can still bring us joy and excitement. “Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy.” John 16:20
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